Since Christmas my mum val has been a inpatient of university hospital’s of Leicester NHS trust at Leicester Royal infirmary so far she has been on every older persons ward but she is starting to become more unwell. She now has CKD her function is now 7% but 5 months ago it was 43%.
Slowly her body is giving up but her heart is still strong and regardless of how upset she gets with me I will continue to keep calm and deal with her as I would with and other older patient who I visit and take care of even though she is my mum.
At 2am this morning she called pleading with me that she wanted to come home that she was well and didn’t need to be in hospital, I wonder if she really does know how unwell she actually is!
What will I do if she goes how will I continue to do the things I do how will I keep the smiley face and happy calming voice knowing I couldn’t keep her calm and smiling. I love her to bits dispirte her moans, she is always proud and happy in what I do and wants me to be happy but I’m struggling to find that one thing to fill that gap. Although she did like one person so maybe that person will find it in her heart to love me again.
Either way I need to keep strong and keep going and be the person she wants me to be.